we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
