i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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