Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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