just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
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