Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
