If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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