you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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