i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize