His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize