You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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