Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
