It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
