We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
