you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize