At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
