i don't like sucking hair
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
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