i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
