woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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