Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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