did you get engaged???
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
NoShamevember. You game?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize