He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
