So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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