I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
