You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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