I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
