His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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