I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
