one might say we're banned from that church
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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