Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
