Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
