Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
