you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
