I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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