Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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