Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
