God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize
