Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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