She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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