margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize