I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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