She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
farters have to be the big spoon...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
