So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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