Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
