I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
