CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
