I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
