My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
