It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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