Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
