you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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