Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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