Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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