I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
