I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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