SEEEEXXX PLEASE
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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