Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize