i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
