if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
