she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
