so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
