Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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