i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize