fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
