I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
