He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
