sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
