let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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