So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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