I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
