i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
