my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
